Friday, December 19, 2008


How do you spell commitment? B-E-A-R-D!

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Things I Hate

Here is a list of things I hate.
1. Family stickers on cars, no matter what you use, sandals, turtles etc... they are all lame! Your stickers make me want to put a birth control sticker on my back window.
2. I hate Pickers, don't dig through the Chex Mix or Trail mix just to get the M&M's or bagel chips, new idea, you touch it you eat it.
3. Personalized license plates, worst idea ever! It is science there is not a cool statement that can be made with the absence of vowels, also license plate holders are not cool especially to the nerd in the civic with the "I wish I was rich instead of just good looking." Wack!
4. Athletic Fit shirts, why does everything need to taper?
5. People that don't use turn signals, and people that ride their brakes on the freeway. Here's an idea take your foot off the gas!
6. Paul Pierce and other pro athletes that fake or play up non injuries.
7. When its cold outside but still sunny!
8. Smart cars, or at least the ones in the USA, do some research on them people, they are not that smart!

More to come later.....

Thursday, November 20, 2008

I love hot cheetos....

So I came across this article on NPR and it reminded me of nasty things I ate in my youth that I thought were delicious. Here is a list in no particular order, feel free to add to this list.1. Hot Cheetos: If there ever was a disgusting snack that was consumed by kiddies from kindergarten to high school by the bagload, it would be Hot Cheetos. I swear I ate them one time and my fingers were stained red for a week. Thanks to the Hoover High Student Store for stocking these little red spicy sticks, that look like devil terds and taste about the same.2. Limon 7 Powder: I thought this stuff was amazing. It is basically lemon flavored salt. I don't know why I ate this stuff; it sucked and was sour and salty and tasted like a gym locker. There is nothing more refreshing on a warm day than lemon salt........Not!
3. Lucas Chili Powder & Paste: The powder was like eating lines of seasoning salt mixed with chili powder and crack. That's how addicting this stuff was. Now for the paste, think of the previous mixed with Jello. They came in these little containers and you could keep them in your pocket and eat when the teacher was not looking. Talk about being parched. I hate that stupid wannabe Dark Wing Duck mascot. This stuff looked like a steak rub mixed with Gorilla Glue.
4. Anything sold by the Ice Cream Man: I would have bought air in a bag from the Ice Cream Man, he was that amazing. I think the music had a hypnotic effect on me. Pink panther and ninja turtle bars were my favorite, and let me tell you I am not sure they were even ice cream, and the gum ball eyes were nasty! Oh I loved the ice cream man, that is until he backed over my friends little sister's bike.....on purpose! I will find you Ice Cream Man!!!!
5. Big Sticks: I don't know why I ate these? Maybe because they sold them at my elementary school for 25cents, other than that the were a sub-par Popsicle if I have ever seen one! Down with the Big Stick!

Sunday, November 16, 2008

This week...

This coming Saturday the Cougs of BYU take on the Utes of Utah. While thinking about the upcoming game I remembered a little white cassette I had back in 1990 thanks to my uncle Stuart, the Tysman rap! That's right folks, check out this little gem. Tysman Rap

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Los Deportes...

I was at the gym tonight (I know hard to believe) when I had several revelations. They are as follows.
1. I need to get some sluttier gym outfits or shirts that don't have sleeves, but I am in a bind as I lost my membership to the cool guy club and stopped frosting my hair about 10 years ago and I need to take more time to prepare for the gym, maybe put on some mascara or some waterproof eyeliner, I hear it makes you workout harder.
2. Soccer players are wimps, I glanced up to see a guy get slide tackled and then lay on the ground for several minutes holding his ankle, the rest of team all reacted like there was a shooting on the field, come on get up and walk it off, you pansy.
3. I hate the people in charge of programing on ESPN, come on was there a less desirable game to watch then VA Tech and Maryland, come on who cares, what are the implications, 4 place in the ACC, Oh wait there was a lamer game on and it was in the basketball department BYU vs. Concordia University, who cares. My questions is, why was the UTAH vs TCU game not on, but then again why would you show a game that has potential BCS buster written all over it? oh and to the Mountain you SUCK!.
4. One last thought, why was Pete Carrol not elected president? He's got my vote!

Sunday, November 2, 2008

The Benefits of a Winter Beard....

2 weeks deep into the winter beard...

1. You always get to ride the lift alone, because everyone thinks you are a pervert or will stink like urine.
2. People randomly give you change in parking lots and gas stations because you look homeless.
3. Insulation and never getting wind chapped.
4. No one other than your wife will kiss you so loyalty is not an issue.
5. You get death threats from your family because Christmas is family picture time.
6. You can pee your pants and no one will say anything.
7. You always have a place to store food for later.
8. No one will ask you for directions because you look crazy.
9. Extra 10 mins a day from not shaving.
10. You look like a young Santa Claus.
11. You hear endless references to Teen Wolf, Castaway and Bob Ross.
12. Talking to yourself is socially acceptable.
13. Your wife always has an excuse to get mad at you.

Friday, October 31, 2008

And the bass keeps running....

Its Halloween, tonight marks the 9th year anniversary since I was caught driving my moms van through the streets of Glendale, with some friends throwing eggs at trick-or-treaters. It also marks the anniversary of 9 years since I have been ordered to sit on the curb on Bel Aire in front of Balboa Elementary School by one of Glendale's finest, and the 9 year anniversary since I have thrown an egg. Oh the memories and the stupidity that caused us to get caught.

Since I no longer throw eggs and Hillary and James are in town we decided to make handy use of the dry ice i bought yesterday at the grocery store and make some dry ice bombs, we were 1 0f 4 but it was the biggest one that worked, James and I were giddy in the yard while Hillary was watching through the window, it amazing no one called the cops.

In recent news....Valeri is pregnant! she is about 13 weeks along and going strong, I am just waiting for the day when she looks more pregnant than me.

Friday, October 24, 2008

The old days...

So i found this picture, and apparently girls cant play battleship and are better off in the kitchen or so the box says subliminally.

Monday, October 20, 2008


Just to clarify listening to Joni Mitchell does not make me a lesbian.

Someone is not my friend...

Someone is not my friend and its my head, why was I chosen to have migraines? Come on help a brother out, I would rather have one leg a couple centimeters shorter than the other, or back hair or even red hair, well maybe not that last one but get my drift.

And ps why does gasoline and fabric softener smell so good?

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Oh Gingers...

This news story comes from the continent that brought us the Crocodile Hunter, and its amazing.

ADELAIDE Zoo has dropped an ad campaign offering free visits to all "rangas" to highlight the plight of orang-utans after sensitive redheads complained.

Last week, advertisements ran offering "free Zoo entry for all rangas" during the school holidays.

"Ranga" - an abbreviation of orang-utan - is a common nickname for redheads.

"We seem to be getting quite a bit of a negative reaction to that request," said Zoos SA's director of conservation programs Kevin Evans, The Advertiser reported.

"People are possibly more sensitive about it than we thought," he said.

"We have a campaign over the school holidays because of orang-utans being an endangered species – and so are human redheads," Mr Evans said.

Less than 2 per cent of humans have red hair.

"Because of the way people move around these days, the genes that carry redheads are breeding out to brunettes and blondes," Mr Evans said.

"Eventually it looks like they are going to be extinct as well."

The zoo will continue to offer free entry to people with red hair for the next two weeks to raise awareness about orang-utans being endangered in the wild.

The campaign is timed to coincide with the birthday of the Zoo's male orangutan, Pusung, and will include daily talks about the species.

Dyed red hair will qualify for free entry and zoo staff will not seek proof that patrons are natural redheads.

"We're not actually checking tops and tails, or anything like that," Mr Evans said.

Friday, October 3, 2008

RLS, etc...

Last night I had to get up quickly after laying down, I was suffering from an anomaly, an anomaly that comes and hits like lightening and is so uncomfortable it drives you crazy. This anomaly is called The Jimmy Legs and last night I had them. I couldn't get comfortable my legs were going crazy, they felt like your hair looks when you wake up. Which brings me to my next point, Seinfeld is one of the greatest shows ever, You can relate every episode to your life. For example I left a sweatshirt at my Val's house when we were dating and my buddies called it a Costanza, you cant take books into the bathroom or they are red flagged, and sometimes your car stinks so bad you don't know who caused it. And on to my next point Kelsey Grammer is not funny at all, talk about a hack, I don't care how many awards he has he sucks and will never be funny he is what Dane Cook is becoming a no talent @$$ clown.

Thursday, October 2, 2008


Hey University of Utah fans how stupid are you? Rushing the field when you beat an unranked team are you serious?

So I think ill rush the field this weekend wearing a Louie Sakoda jersey when #7 BYU beats Utah State (the worst team in Div 1 football).

Dr Matty......

I just wanted to dedicate this picture to my favorite Orthodontist. Dr MDW, I cant wait to have you dig around my mouth.

Lunes Night Futbol, Que?

So this past Monday night I was watching the Steelers take on the Ravens, as they scanned the crowd I came to the realization that the Steelers are the Raiders of the East! Does anyone else see this?
Mexican Flag:Raiders::Terrible Towel:Steelers <- wont see that one on the SAT but just wanted to put it out there.

Thursday, September 25, 2008


Oh Trojans, Why do you do this to me? Why, Why, Why, Why? Is it to much to ask to run the Pac-10. I want to cry and I don't want to hear it Phil.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008


This past week I had the chance to go do some riding at good old lambert park aka the honey hole.Riding the rodeo down, all 8 seconds of bucking craziness and the lefty treats me good, real good!

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Do you believe in Karma?

Congrats to Belichick that jerk on loosing to the Dolphins, the Dolphins who in 2007 went 1-16 they won as many games last year as you lost. Could not have happened to a more class guy.

Best Week Ever........

This past week was great, let me lay it down for you dudes and dudettes.
Monday: The good old mac decided to take a poop and all was lost on the hard drive, however my testimony of apple was unaffected and I blame the company Seagate those bastages! the only Monday highlight was new episode of the hills.
Tuesday: Biology Test, Then went to go pick up the T 90 after having some work done on it, on the way home my wallet decided to jump out of my pocket and find its way on to the pavement somewhere, then about 1 mile from the casa I ran out of gas, 90 miles to gallon and it cant make it home, grrrrr.
Wednesday: Math Test and the rest is history.
There were some highlights like going out to dinner withe Radman before he moves to San Jose to start counting beans for the man. Good luck Danen and I hope the Miata does you right in the big city.
Also when a good citizen dropped of my wallet at the house, never in my life have I ever wanted to kiss a man and lucky for him I was not at home when he dropped it off.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Easy Riders....

So two weeks ago I picked up what I thought was a Honda Trail 90, I soon found out this bad little lady was actually the predecessor of the trusty T90. That is right folks I bought myself, I mean my wife (had to convince her to let me buy it some how) a 1965 CT200. Shes in pretty good shape for being 43, I would dare say she is in such good shape that she classifies as a cougar. This will be my winter project pimping this cougar out for the 2nd Annual "Squawha 1000". I thought motorcycle club life would be dangerous and wild, I was expecting Jack Nicholisan to jump on the back of my hog and crusie the mean streets of provo, but sadly such is not the case folks. No brass knuckes, no chains, no pipes or even switch blades. The little lady, Ill call her Demi in honor of another famous cougar.
Stay tuned, more pcitures coming soon of the other hog.

John Howard Griffin Anyone?

Does anyone else notice the similarities between Romeo Crennel and Mr Belvedere .

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Retro Red Rooster.....

So here is my latest purchase off of Ebay, a good old retro 70's red metal-flake motorcycle helmet. It is so rad and old school, and apparently I am not the only sexy guy with a sweet helmet like this. Señor Pitt & Señor Hawley

Notice the Resemblance

First a helmet and next its a bunch of international Orphans, too bad I cant get those on Ebay.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Old Man Winter, Seriously?

Where has the summer gone? This morning it was 45 degrees on my drive to work. What is going on? September is supposed to be one of the warmest months of the year ( a shout out to global warming) but such is not the case today. I despise this time of year, its like I am a 13 year old girl and my body is going through changes for the first time, adjusting to the cold. I swear I am never comfortable. Once i get used to the cold it starts to heat up and once I get used to the heat it gets cold again. Its like a never ending cycle of pain, If I could only live in a biodome, a cool 73 degrees all year long............

Monday, September 1, 2008

A Three Hour Tour..........

This past Sunday I took a little drive to Antelope Island, to take some people for a dip in the great Salt Lake, when we arrived there were 60mph wind gust blowing off the lake across the beach. When we came out of the car it felt like my legs were being sandblasted, it was ridiculous. It was like exfoliation on speed. After about 5 minutes of pain we called it a day. Later that night I found sand in places I never knew existed, after two showers there is still sand in my hair. Bottom line I would be a lousy Camel.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

The Boys Are Back In TOWN!

What do you call 13 Californians and 1 Hawaiian vs the country of Hungary? The Mens Olympic Water Polo gold medal match. A hat off to the boys in blue who were ranked number 9 in the world coming in to the Olympics who beat the number 1 Serbia to get to the Gold medal match. A shout out to the man with the perfect male body as displayed at the Los Angeles Coliseum, Terry Schroder the coach of team USA for turning things around and bringing home a medal. The Mens Water Polo team that has been absent from the podium for 20 years since Since Terry was on the team back in 84 and 88. Good Job guys for bringing home the silver! Go California.USA team capitan Tony Azevedo

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Those Silly Spaniards!!!!!

In honor of the Olympics the Spanish National Team decided to take this team picture. A shout out to the Chinese , Beijing 2008!

Sunday, August 17, 2008


What is it about a Frisbee? Do these magical pieces of plastic hold super powers? After books like, Its Not About The Bike by Lance Armstrong I had given up on the magical power of inanimate objects and their ability to transform everyday man in to a top level athlete, but then I witnessed Ultimate Frisbee or "ultimate" as the nerds call it. What is it about a 25 cent piece of plastic that can turn the most hardcore of nerds into a top level athlete (in no way am i implying that ultimate Frisbee is a sport, that's a different can of worms) or give a pot-smoking, patchouli stinking hippie meaning in life. I am at a loss for words, when did the Frisbee make the jump from the favorite beach toy of speedo clad tourists to an object of worship for the every day nerd. Did you know that in the Silicone Valley each computer programing company has their own Ultimate Frisbee team and they have a league they compete in, wow whats next a calculator tetris league or who can get winded the fastest going up the stairs league. So guys leave the Frisbees to the guy with the dog that performs at NBA half time shows.

Oh Jeans!

So am I the only person that has watched the gayfication of jeans? No longer are they called jeans but denim? Really, people they are Jeans, you cant polish a turd.
What has happened, has there been a contest on how much a company can place on the rear pocket of a pair of jeans. If the Sistine Chapel Mural is on your jean pockets it time to take a good long hard look and yourself in the mirror and ask someone to punch you in the face. I am confused these days some of the mens jeans look like they walked right out of Liberace's closet. I heard California is actually going to start not issuing drivers license cards anymore but stitching your pictures and identification information on your jean, I mean Denim pockets.

Monday, August 11, 2008



Monday, August 4, 2008

You Can Find Anything on the Internet...Thanks Al Gore

So today I took a trip down memory lane when I found the super sweet Blu Blocker rap. I can remember seeing this on infomercials as a kid growing up and constantly lusting for a pair of Blu Blockers each time we drove by a truck selling them for 5 bucks along side the street near Forest Lawn and Barham. Oh I wanted a pair so bad, I thought they were magical! Well here it is Dr Geek and his Blu Blocker rap.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Tittle 9?

Come on ESPN did you really need to introduce women's motocross this year to the X-games. Apparently seeing lesbians compete every 4 years at the Olympics wasn't enough.

Sunday, July 27, 2008


The bozo of this month award goes out to UFC Champion Quinton "Rampage" Jackson, who decided to get in a chase with police, hit and run 4 different cars and drive on to the sidewalk almost hitting tons of people. So the moral of the story is if you are going to get into a car chase don't drive a giant inconspicuous truck with a life size picture of yourself on it. Who says repeated hits to the head don't effect your judgement.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Ridin' Dirty

The mountain biking was amazing this morning, I hit up the Ridge Trail at the top of the Alpine Loop, this morning around 8am. It was nice and cool and who doesn't love mountain biking at a mere 8000 ft elevation. The trail was dusty and there were tons of roots, rocks and soft dusty spots. I came around one turn to find two of the guys I was riding with tangled up, when they stood up both were covered with dirt and I mean covered with dirt. In their mouths, ears and noses. Luckily the only dirt I ended up with was on my legs, and folks no those are not tan lines those are the dirt lines from my mountain biking shoes. Something about getting dirty and rad at the same time is amazing. Enjoy the dirt rings.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Mighty Dapper Dan, Dont Ya Think?

So I just got a new fresh haircut, in Europe its called a "sporty" (just like the spice girl) so I decided to spice it up with a bit of flare on one side. Check it out!



Tuesday, July 22, 2008


Why do Mexicans love Chevy Astro Vans so much? There is even a Chevy Astro Van converted to an ice cream truck that rolls around! Why? Does anyone Know?

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Shout Out

I just wanted to give a shout out to my boy Richard Wood who will be starting Medical School this next month, So Rich, Val opened a fortune cookie today that was supposed to be destined for you!So its in its mirror image thanks to my mac computer, its reads. You could prosper in the field of medicine! Good luck Hombre! You will be a great doc!

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Catchy Slogans!

There have been some great slogans over the pasts years.

I have found the next great slogan, to find it you must watch this video!

Truly an extraordinary nutsack!

disclaimer. if you listen very closely you will hear the true slogan: nut snack, however i must say nutsack is catchier.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

So You Think Youre Tough

The age old questions what makes you a tough guy? I submit the measure of a man is how may 5 year olds you can take in a fight. The rules are as follows.

  • You are in an enclosed area roughly the size of a basketball court
  • There are no weapons or foreign objects
  • Everyone is wearing a cup (so no kicks to the groin)
  • The children are merciless and will show no fear
  • If a child is knocked unconscious, he is "out." The same goes for you.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Stick 'Em Up Rascal

Tuesday, June 17, 2008





Thursday, June 12, 2008

A California Howdy

So today while riding my bicycle, I was forced to dig into my artillery of rude gestures and give a guy the one finger solute in honor of his stellar driving skills. Hey Prius guy who thought you could cut me off, you suck and I hope your batteries corrode rendering your hybrid useless.....Here's a painting of today's interaction, well not really because i am not a Victorian woman, but i don wear hats sometimes and think mint juleps sound delicious.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Its a me....a Mario!

The Stache is coming in well, its starting to flip up thanks to some really sweet wax I ordered off Ebay, What you cant find moustache wax in Provo......who would have thought. Sexy I know!

Monday, May 5, 2008

New Embarassing Hobby.....

So me and the wife have many guilty pleasures, one of them just happens to be watching NEXT on MTV. Its a dating show where there are 5 people trying to date one person. As they come off the bus the dater can say "Next" and a different person will then come off. So its pretty much makes for some hilarious moments. Well a new season has started and so has a new hobby, it involves mocking each contestant as they come off the buss. Today a girl that looks like a Muppet made an appearance as did a Klingon named Adrianne. Wow my life has come to this.......amazing

Tuesday, April 29, 2008


Am I only person in the world that thinks Carlos Boozer of the Utah Jazz looks like a Catfish on Roids?

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Confessions of a Moustache

I have been growing a moustache for the past month and a half and little did I know I would learn and enjoy it so much.

1. I now know how a voluptuous woman fells, as I have often caught people staring at my moustache, one clerk at a store was not even listening to me while I was asking my questions as he fixated at my upper lip.

2. Men think its awesome and women think its nasty.

3. The other day I watched a little girl about 9 years old walk by me and stare at my moustache, she was looking at it like it was wild animal, her focus was so strong in fact that she walked right into a wall.

4. Older women love it, and I am not just talking about my wife Valeri.

5. People actually envy the super power that enables one to grow a sweet moustache.

6. It makes me look 10 years older and 10 years creepier.

7. People have a hard time taking your serious if you have a moustache.

Bottom line the moustache rules and I hope in the next month to be able to wax it and resemble Captain Hook or Salvador Dali. Let me know what you think of this bad boy.

The Toughest Little Girl I Know

Look at those muscles I just wanted to give a shout to my niece Ainsley the toughest little girl I know. You can read more about why she is so tough at Val and Erica's Blogs

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Peer Presure

As I have been at a loss for ramblings I will fill out this gay survey/chain-letter.

A-attached or single: attached
B-best friend: Valpal and Penny
C-cake or pie:
D-day of choice: a day off work
E-essential item: spandex biking shorts with a good chamois and rainbow flip-flops
F-favorite color: Neon
G-gummi bears or worms: Cinnabears
H-hometown: Glendale, CA
I-indulgence(s): Diet Coke and Ghetto Mexican food, vato!
J-january or july: January - my birfday
K-kids: no daughters please.
L-life is incomplete without: The Wifesky
M-marriage date: Aug 10
N-number of siblings: 4 sisters
O-oranges or apples: Cold Oranges
P-phobias or fears: phobias: "If Thomas Edison had given up and waited for the light bulb to invent him, we would still be sitting in the dark today." -Morgan M. Hawley
R-reason to smile: People tripping over their own feet
S-season: Summer Lovin
T-tag five: GAY
U-unknown fact about me: I once had every breed of dog memorized as a youth.
V-vegetarian or oppressor of animals: I eat meat.
W-worst habit: Biting my nails.
X-xrays or ultrasounds: Don't care just make it better.
Y-your favorite food: Ghetto Mexican or Cheese Cake
Z-zodiac: Aquarius Son!

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Goodbye my dear old friend.....

Its 7am on Staurday morning the 22nd of March and I just partook of my last soda. I have tired this before and failed miserably. However this time is for real (wow that statement makes me feel like a true addict) and I am gonna kick the Juice. I will be updating on my battle and everyone keep me honest on this, its an all our war with Diet Coke.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

What I learned Today.

As Valeri and I sat and ate dinner tonight, I felt like a little school boy as I had learned something new today and wanted so desperately to report it her. Needless to say she was not as amused as I was with the information. This wonderful tidbit came to me today when I was watching animal planet I learned, are you ready....

The Beluga Whale is the only Whale species that does not have fused vertebrae in its neck. It can turn its head, independently of its body.

Amazing! All of the suden the Rafi song, Baby Beluga In The Deep Blue Sea, has new meaning.

I feel as though I have done my duty for the day, passing on this tidbit.

...But if I got my Nina, then you know I'm straight trippin...

The infamous words of Dr. Dre ring out and its time for a shout out to Nina's Pizza in Provo. Its on 7th East right next to J Dawgs. Next time you're in Provo and you are hungry stop by Nina's and snag a 14inch slice of pizza. Having never been to New York, Ill have to take the NY Rangers clad owner of Nina's with the NY accent that its a authentic NY Pizza. Indulge your self with a slice and a beverage, you will not be sorry.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Call me Bode.....

Well it finally happened, last Friday afternoon I went over to the dark side, It was my first day of skiing. Chad Duford took me up to Sundance and let me loose on the back mountain. Lucky for me there was about 6inches of powder to pad my falls. Here is my testimony of skiing, it is so much harder than snowboarding. Yeesh, I was focusing so hard at times if forgot to breath, which only aided my exhaustion. Never have I spent so much time on the mountain on my butt, stomach and in ways I never thought my body could ever bend. I told people to start calling me Bode Miller, not because I was good at skiing but because I skied like a drunk man. In the end I will deem it a success, but will not be starting in any Warren Miller movies anytime soon.