Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Football Fans....

Yet another football season is upon us and changes must be made before the season, not with the players but with the fans. Therefore, I propose the Football Proficiency Exam (FPE) and the Anti "Dress-Up" Code. The FPE will require basic knowledge of appropriate times to cheer (not when you team is trying to call a play), offense, defense and penalties (every dropped ball doesn't result in a PI). Only after passing the FPE will one be allowed to purchase football tickets; midway through the season, an advanced exam will be given to test one's understanding of appropriate game attire, otherwise known as the Anti "Dress-Up" Code. Last time I checked, it is not the Lavell Edwards Dance Club or one of the weekly dances put on by BYUSA. It is a football game! Girls, stilettos are a dead give away that you cheated on the FPE and have confused the game with your upcoming whore activity. Failure to pass the FPE once will result in the loss of game attendance privileges; twice, the loss of televised game viewing privileges; and three times, your records will automatically be transferred to a Jr College, where a knowledge of football is not critical. I strongly urge those of you who need to, to study for the exam...You know who you are.