Thursday, September 27, 2007

10 Things I Hate About byU: Part 1

10 things I hate about byU

1. I hate that guy! you know that guy, the one in your class who is
chalked full of self proclaimed important comments that he feels
obligated to say just loud enough for the 5 people around him to hear,
while shouting out every 5th or 6th for the entire class to hear,
that guy that some how you always end up sitting behind or in front i hate that guy. especially in marriage prep class, its like
buddy shut up save your comments for homosexual day they i am sure you
will have tons of personal insights.
2. I hate Fliers! Hate 'em I hate 'em I hate 'em. Perhaps the least
productive method of advertising in my opinion, if you want to
advertise with fliers perhaps you should put your advertisement on the
trash can because that's a persons next stop after you hand them your
cute little flier, it is just as easy if not easier for you to put
the flier in trash insted of making me do it cut out the middle man
throw them away yourself! my solution to the problem is if there
must be fliers, which is up there with if ther must be prostitution or
world hunger or comminuism or murderers, then hand out blank ones and
put your advertisements on the trashcans, i would say recycle cans but
those pretty much don't exist here and that's a whole different topic.
3. I hate interpretive dance and the color guard. Both of which are
designed solely for the purpose of allowing people with very little
skill and rhythm a chance to perform, and these are the people who
exactly should not be given that right. another requirement for color
guard is having a BMI above that of what is considered average.
Interpretive dance/modern dance call it what you want there are so
many names, here are a few i have come up with retarded, talentless,
and just plain stupid. If i want to see people dressed as
construction workers ill go to a construction site, when will these
people learn, you're not a flag pole or a car you're a fat chick
dancing with those stupid black pants with the cut off sweats over
4. I hate the front tuck! the last time i checked BYU was not ranked
#1 by the Princeton Review for having the most Rodeo Champions on its
campus, so why must we show off our lame belt buckles? why why why it
hurts my brain to think about it! no one wants to see your hurley or
abercrombie belt buckle that you bought at (as ironic as it sounds)
The Buckle. Do we feel the need to show of our crotches? Who ever
created this and supports it should have their belt buckle removed
beat with it and then hung using the same belt they wanted to show off.
5. I hate hair! (In this topic i include all aspects of "hair", the
bleach top, the Faux Hawk, The "I am 23 and wasn't bald before my
mission comb over," etc...) Hey ladies sorry to break the news to you
but every day is not prom! Last time I checked the activities
calendar homecoming (which would be the only legitimate excuse for
this hair, and even once year it makes me want to vomit) Then why do I
see this hair day in and day out. I do realize there are allot of
seagulls in the salt lake valley, but why must the women of byu
provide them nests? I just read the PETA website and they love us.
Last year i actually asked for a booster seat (not because i am short,
which i am..well more like average) in my class in order to see over
Mary Tyler Moore who was seated in front of me. Now we have the male
equivalent and that would be the "Fauxhawk" It seems as though
anything that is hip arrives in Utah about 2 years late and stays
about 5 years to long. In fact the other day I saw a guy with a
"Front Tuck," and a bleached fauxhawk riding a razor scooter, and his
name was 1995.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

A Little Trip To The Office....

This last week I took a little trip to see the dentist. It was time for my 6 month cleaning which ended actually ended up being more like an 8 month check up. So about 1 month ago I decided I would avoid the awkward scolding from the dentist about not flossing, and I started flossing. Guess what, it worked and I passed with flying colors, that's right son and with 1 month of solid flossing under my belt it has become a habit! I may have been able to master the one thing that is harder than stopping smoking and I feel like my deceit is actually going to benefit me in the long run. So with a clean mouth and 1 area to watch what did I do, I went out and got a diet coke. I thought I could hear my newly cleaned teeth calling me a bastard, but such is life. Bottom line there is nothing like awkward conversation with someone who is wrist deep in your mouth and then asks you questions about things they know you didn't do (i know you didn't floss but I'll ask anyway).

Friday, September 21, 2007

Often Imitated, Never Duplicated

As is with most successful ventures in Provo, Cafe Rio has been copied by several individuals and knock off are popping up left and right. I would like to set the record straight and declare Cafe Rio's dominance over Costa Vida, Bajio, Costa Azul and any others out there I have failed mentioned. These restaurants are the Western Family version of Cafe Rio and should not be supported! This is clearly not a case where the Student has become the Teacher, Because Cafe Rio is the Albert Einstein of the assembly line Mexican food restaurants. Those of you out there that disagree with statement above you need to repent and have your tongue checked out because your taste buds maybe damaged. Just remember that anything that is to Cafe Rio is Just a Half A$$ Cafe Rio!

Friday, September 14, 2007

BYU v TULSA.....

I am tired of reading reports on how the Teams are preparing for the upcoming game this weekend, Therefore I have taken I upon myself to report how the fans are preparing for the upcoming game.

BYU fan: Find a babysitter for the weekend for your 7 kids.
Tulsa fan: Attempt to figure out why your kids have 7 fingers on each hand?

BYU fan: Dust off 1984 championship cap and t-shirt for the game.
Tulsa Fan: Dust off 50th anniversary John Deere hat for the game.

BYU Fan: Figure out which wife you are going to take to the game with you.
Tulsa Fan: Figure out which cousin will be your date to the game?

BYU Fan: Determine which shade of eyeliner matches your high heels that you’re wearing to the game.
Tulsa Fan: Determine which belt buckle opens beer bottles best for the game.

BYU Fan: Practice booing every dropped pass because you think its Pass Interference.
Tulsa Fan: Practice spilling beer and spitting on opposing teams fans.

BYU Fan: Actually learn words to Cougar Fight Song, because words wont be displayed at away game.
Tulsa: Finish learning words to Cotton Eye Joe for half time show.

USC v Nebraska

USC and Nebraska are playing tomorrow, therefore I feel it is my duty to outline what each teams fans are doing to prepare for the game:

USC Fan: Drive luxury motor home to the game for tailgate party.
Nebraska Fan: Tow Mobile Home to the game for tailgate party.

USC Fan: Use Dad's Airline miles to fly to the game.
Nebraska Fan: Drive Dad's 1984 ford farm truck to the game.

USC Fan: Dry Clean frat sweater in preparation for game.
Nebraska Fan: Search for cleanest sleeveless T-shirt void of chew stains to wear to the game.

USC Fan: Take time off trying to be seen in the background of an episode of the Hills.
Nebraska Fan: Take time off trying to become the second coming of Green Acres

USC Fan: Outfit girlfriend with a chastity belt, so she will not cheat while you are away.
Nebraska Fan: Get DNA test to verify baby’s mother is not his cousin.

USC Fan: Buy Zima, Hard Lemonade, Smirnoff Ice and Bocca burgers for the tailgate party.
Nebraska Fan: Fire up the Moonshine still to make White Lightening 100 proof, and slaughter a steer for steak at the tail gate.

Thursday, September 13, 2007


For an update on whats been goin on in my life check out the wife's blog, she's the brains of the operation (everyone loves an English major) while I am the personality(or at least she lets me think so).