BYU v TULSA.....

I am tired of reading reports on how the Teams are preparing for the upcoming game this weekend, Therefore I have taken I upon myself to report how the fans are preparing for the upcoming game.

BYU fan: Find a babysitter for the weekend for your 7 kids.
Tulsa fan: Attempt to figure out why your kids have 7 fingers on each hand?

BYU fan: Dust off 1984 championship cap and t-shirt for the game.
Tulsa Fan: Dust off 50th anniversary John Deere hat for the game.

BYU Fan: Figure out which wife you are going to take to the game with you.
Tulsa Fan: Figure out which cousin will be your date to the game?

BYU Fan: Determine which shade of eyeliner matches your high heels that you’re wearing to the game.
Tulsa Fan: Determine which belt buckle opens beer bottles best for the game.

BYU Fan: Practice booing every dropped pass because you think its Pass Interference.
Tulsa Fan: Practice spilling beer and spitting on opposing teams fans.

BYU Fan: Actually learn words to Cougar Fight Song, because words wont be displayed at away game.
Tulsa: Finish learning words to Cotton Eye Joe for half time show.

USC v Nebraska

USC and Nebraska are playing tomorrow, therefore I feel it is my duty to outline what each teams fans are doing to prepare for the game:

USC Fan: Drive luxury motor home to the game for tailgate party.
Nebraska Fan: Tow Mobile Home to the game for tailgate party.

USC Fan: Use Dad's Airline miles to fly to the game.
Nebraska Fan: Drive Dad's 1984 ford farm truck to the game.

USC Fan: Dry Clean frat sweater in preparation for game.
Nebraska Fan: Search for cleanest sleeveless T-shirt void of chew stains to wear to the game.

USC Fan: Take time off trying to be seen in the background of an episode of the Hills.
Nebraska Fan: Take time off trying to become the second coming of Green Acres

USC Fan: Outfit girlfriend with a chastity belt, so she will not cheat while you are away.
Nebraska Fan: Get DNA test to verify baby’s mother is not his cousin.

USC Fan: Buy Zima, Hard Lemonade, Smirnoff Ice and Bocca burgers for the tailgate party.
Nebraska Fan: Fire up the Moonshine still to make White Lightening 100 proof, and slaughter a steer for steak at the tail gate.