Tuesday, October 23, 2007


The CDC has that reported two new strains of Hepatitis have been found and this is just after screening New York and Here Std infested suitors. Personally, I was unaware there were some many classy gentlemen left in the world and that they were able to corral them into one place to fight for such a classy woman like vultures for rotting flesh. But what amazes even more is that is makes such great television, can you say Emmy nomination.
New York Showing Everyone How Much Class She Has

Just Add Water...

Street Credibility is obtained three ways if you are black:
1.Be shot several times, and release a record shortly there after.
2.Have ties to Shug Knight and Death Row Records.
3.Play a professional sport, especially Football.
And if you are White street credibility is obtained two ways:
1.Being Justin Timberlake.
2.Being the white kid that is on the And One Basketball Tour.

Friday, October 19, 2007


What is worse than your wife making you watch Sex and the City with her? I know this is a question asked by 95 percent of married men. Well, the answer is having to watch the tampon and yeast infection commercials broadcast during each episode. Honestly, after two episodes I now know 7 different ways to treat a yeast infection and am up to date on all the "breakthroughs" in the world of feminine hygiene products. What a lucky man I am. I don't know how I was able to survive the 12 hours of my day leading up to our Sex and the City watching session without knowing such wonderful tidbits of information.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Greg Louganis...

Why do two men feel it is okay to ride on a motorcycle together? Especially crotchrockets? That's two strikes at once. And if you see two dudes on a crotchrocket wearing turtlenecks with yogurt and kitty litter in a grocery bag, run the other way because they will try to recruit you to play dance dance revolution Barbra Streisand edition.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Lord of the Rings

Being out and about I have noticed many people are confused about how to wear rings. Therefore I have taken it upon myself to declare the rules for ring wearing. The rules are as follows: One ring, the exception being if you are married and have won some type of championship (just remember high school championship rings are reserved for high school and no time there after). However if you have won multiple championships you can wear all of your rings only if you are being photographed by ESPN or SI. Moving right along, rings are never to be worn outside of the ring fingers, hence the name rings and not "thumbs," "pointers" or "tall mans." Also pinky rings are reserved as props for mafia movies not for wannabe gangsters who think they are the next Don Carlion. The only people that wear more than 2 rings are gypsies and pimps. Neither of which are the upper crust of society (no offense to my homies ICE-T and Don Magic Juan).

P.S. Toe rings, should never be worn period, male or female, period.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

10 Things I Hate About byU: Part 1.5

6. I hate you sandals man! Dont get me wrong, being a Southern
California native I have a soft spot in my heart for flip flops which
are the only legitimate form of sandals. However like everything
there is a time and a place for sandals. they are not to be worn when
the temp drops below 75 and should never be worn to lift weights
especially at the Golds Gym on 9th East. If you would like to wear
sandals and board shorts go to the beach, don't try to be a cool
"surfer dude" when the nearest body of water is the botany pond on 8th
north! Come on! i hope you freeze your toes and drop weights on them!
airwalk/dr marten sandals must go! please retire them! they are not
cool! In the middle East they have weapons exchanges where you
exchange your guns for money, food, etc... well we should start a
program where one can bring in their dr. marten/airwalk sandals and
exchange them in return for an ounce of coolness.
7. I understand that when you are cool the sun never sets, then why
are so many people still wearing sunglasses on campus in the middle of
winter? I am amazed! Now i do understand that the Matrix movies have
gained world-wide fame, NEO is the only ONE allowed to wear
sunglasses 24/7! What has the world come to if we are representing
Keanu Reeves in our own everyday attire? There is no need for this!
sunglasses are not designed to be used when there is an obvious lack
of sun outside and If there is any question as to what is an obvious
amount of sun, dont wear them, it is better to error on the side a
good fashion sense. I dont care if you can do a killer ray Charles or
Stevie wonder impression leave the sunglasses at home! do it, trust
me, it can only help your image! If you wear sunglasses you will fail
in life, Just look at Jose Conseco!
8. I cant stand Nerd Weddings! Why is it that whenever i go over to
someones apartment there is always a Nerd Invitation stuck on the
fridge! Why is it that when ever i am annoyed by someone or am amazed
that an individual is a an 11 nerd scale (10 being Screech Powers,
Steve Erkel) that I look at their hand only to see a wedding ring? Why
is that? Perhaps Nerd weddings are an anomaly, like where is noah's
ark, big foot, Tupac's death or why the toilet water spins opposite
below the equator, all unanswered yet so amazing. Any university
knows they have a problem when the physics department has the highest
marriage rate on campus, and this is a campus with a MFHD degree, come
on. Perhaps a bulletin has gone out on the nerd underground railroad,
and they are now flocking to BYU with the promise of marriage, How
does this happen what is our world coming to? Is this a result of our
nerd reparations, for so long they were ostracized and mocked that now
they are owed a wife and envied by normal people on campus? i am at a
loss for words.

Rules To Live By

Well boys and girls here it is, after weeks of stewing here is another installment of ramblings.
1. Do not Limo tint a car that cost less than $30,000 dollars. Whats the purpose? If you were really that important to the point of requiring a limo tint, it would come with a limo and PS color tints (red, yellow) are never acceptable.
2. Rims should never cost more than your car! If you're car is paid off and your still making payments on your rims its a problem.
3. If you can fit your fist or a grapefruit in your exhaust pipe its too big.
4. If you think you can paste you rear window full of Hawaiian Surfing sticker because you did a semester abroad at BYU Hawaii, you are wrong. Please remove them as soon as possible.
5. Learn how to merge, its that simple.
6. You know what they say about turn signals in Utah: if it's on, it was on when they bought the car.
7. Your 4-cylinder Honda civic does not need an aftermarket wing bolted on the trunk that looks like it was borrowed from the space shuttle.
8. Changing some tail lights is not customizing your car.
9. If you spend 30,000 fixing up your sweet Honda Civic.......Its still a Honda Civic.