USC v Nebraska

USC and Nebraska are playing tomorrow, therefore I feel it is my duty to outline what each teams fans are doing to prepare for the game:

USC Fan: Drive luxury motor home to the game for tailgate party.
Nebraska Fan: Tow Mobile Home to the game for tailgate party.

USC Fan: Use Dad's Airline miles to fly to the game.
Nebraska Fan: Drive Dad's 1984 ford farm truck to the game.

USC Fan: Dry Clean frat sweater in preparation for game.
Nebraska Fan: Search for cleanest sleeveless T-shirt void of chew stains to wear to the game.

USC Fan: Take time off trying to be seen in the background of an episode of the Hills.
Nebraska Fan: Take time off trying to become the second coming of Green Acres

USC Fan: Outfit girlfriend with a chastity belt, so she will not cheat while you are away.
Nebraska Fan: Get DNA test to verify baby’s mother is not his cousin.

USC Fan: Buy Zima, Hard Lemonade, Smirnoff Ice and Bocca burgers for the tailgate party.
Nebraska Fan: Fire up the Moonshine still to make White Lightening 100 proof, and slaughter a steer for steak at the tail gate.