U.S. AMERICANS?

Perhaps the greatest television moment of 2007 took place this past week at the expense of Miss Teen South Carolina. During the question and answer portion of the pageant Miss Teen South Carolina was asked a question about Americans not being able to locate their own country on a map. Perhaps she thought a stupid question deserved an even stupider answer. What followed was a moment rarely seen on national television, typically reserved for frat houses where drunken unintelligible ramblings are common. Referring to the United States as "U.S. America" and its citizens as "U.S. Americans," Iraq as "The Iraq," just throw in a few "such as's," "therefores," and "as is's" and you have created perhaps the greatest answer ever. Miss Teen South Carolina also says that most Americans don't have access to maps; well she better hope so, or U.S. Americans are going to drive to her state and mock her to the degree she deserves. Miss Teen South Carolina has set a world's first as being the only person for whom NBC has asked Ozzy Osbourne to interpret. Is public school funding in South Carolina so sparse that they have been forced to remove English classes from their curriculum? But hey on the upside at least she is pretty because that is her only chance for succeeding in life. In the end I would like to thank Miss Teen South Carolina for personifying the stereotypes: blondes really are dumb and girls who enter pageants are pretty and stupid. Thank you. You have single-handedly set back pageants contestants 20 years, which is exactly where they belong because what they do is a joke.